The day her Mama Died

The day her Mama died, a big piece of her died, too. She learned this is a piece she could not fill. It is a piece that could not be replaced by anything, ever.

The day her Mama died she stopped breathing for a moment, too. She wondered how the world around her continued to go on.

The day her Mama died, she began a new life. Her new life was motherless. She felt like an orphan. It was different than before, in the most painful and heartbreaking way.

The day her Mama died she looked around and questioned everything. She questioned her faith, her last words, and every moment she spent away from her. Her questions will never be answered, but she kept asking anyway.

The day her Mama died she was in complete disbelief. She refused to accept this reality but it stayed with her. One day the reality sank in. That day was just as bad as the day her Mama died. She was frozen with heartbreak, confusion, and terror, the day her Mama died. She developed new anxieties and fears she never had before. Some days those new fears were debilitating. 

The day her Mama died, she became an adult. The kind of adult who doesn’t have a mother. It was a different kind of adult than before. 

The day her Mama died she longed for her hugs, her time, and her presence. This longing never went away. 

It stayed with her, but so does her Mama, because . . . 

The day her Mama died she gained the most beautiful angel. 

She can’t see her Mama, but she is there, just as she promised.

The day her Mama died, she looked around and was grateful for all of the people there supported her and helped her pick up the pieces. The people who showed up are her people. She will never forget the ones who showed up; they are special. 

The day her Mama died, she learned that she loved so hard, so deeply, so purely.. she grieved hard because of that beautiful love. 

The day her Mama died, she learned that her Mama loved her beyond measure. She mothered her more beautifully than any story ever written. Her Mama believed in her more than she ever believed in herself. She realized that Her Mama took care of her like she was the most precious cargo on the planet, even as an adult.

The day her Mama died  she realized, without hesitation, that she was the most amazing woman she had ever known and will ever know. 

The day her Mama died she appreciated her more than she ever had, she prayed to have her back. Unfortunately, no prayers could bring her back. No wishes could make her appear. All she has is her memories and her Mama’s beautiful portraits that she hangs on the wall.