The day her Mama Died
Rhonda Childers is a Military Mom/daughter and a portrait photographer in the Bay area and Central Valley, California. It is her dream to make a positive difference in this world by sharing herself and stories while creating and capturing new ones with others. 100 years from now her legacy will live on through photographs and the positive difference she makes in the life of many children.
The day her Mama died, a big piece of her died, too. She learned this is a piece she could not fill. It is a piece that could not be replaced by anything, ever.
The day her Mama died she stopped breathing for a moment, too. She wondered how the world around her continued to go on.
The day her Mama died, she began a new life. Her new life was motherless. She felt like an orphan. It was different than before, in the most painful and heartbreaking way.
The day her Mama died she looked around and questioned everything. She questioned her faith, her last words, and every moment she spent away from her. Her questions will never be answered, but she kept asking anyway.
The day her Mama died she was in complete disbelief. She refused to accept this reality but it stayed with her. One day the reality sank in. That day was just as bad as the day her Mama died. She was frozen with heartbreak, confusion, and terror, the day her Mama died. She developed new anxieties and fears she never had before. Some days those new fears were debilitating.
The day her Mama died, she became an adult. The kind of adult who doesn’t have a mother. It was a different kind of adult than before.
The day her Mama died she longed for her hugs, her time, and her presence. This longing never went away.
It stayed with her, but so does her Mama, because . . .
The day her Mama died she gained the most beautiful angel.
She can’t see her Mama, but she is there, just as she promised.
The day her Mama died, she looked around and was grateful for all of the people there supported her and helped her pick up the pieces. The people who showed up are her people. She will never forget the ones who showed up; they are special.
The day her Mama died, she learned that she loved so hard, so deeply, so purely.. she grieved hard because of that beautiful love.
The day her Mama died, she learned that her Mama loved her beyond measure. She mothered her more beautifully than any story ever written. Her Mama believed in her more than she ever believed in herself. She realized that Her Mama took care of her like she was the most precious cargo on the planet, even as an adult.
The day her Mama died she realized, without hesitation, that she was the most amazing woman she had ever known and will ever know.
The day her Mama died she appreciated her more than she ever had, she prayed to have her back. Unfortunately, no prayers could bring her back. No wishes could make her appear. All she has is her memories and her Mama’s beautiful portraits that she hangs on the wall.
10 things I realized when I lost My Mother. Happy Mothers Day
The loss of my mom has placed me in a frame of mind I was not prepared for. A mother's love is like no other. Since she has been gone, I somehow find myself feeling incomplete. She was the wind beneath my wings. My Mama has been gone 15 years. She died on Friday February 13th, 2004. I found out on Valentine's Day and it broke me heart. I miss her everyday.
I never realized my mom was not invincible until it was too late. I grew up thinking she was a superhuman being. She could do anything she was a single Mom of 4 crazy girls. As I grew up I didn’t see she was ageing, too.
Before I knew it, I watched my superhero turn into an old person. So here are 10 things I want to share with you that I realized when I lost my Mama!
1. You'll realize how much you loved them.
We never really appreciate what we have till it's gone. There is so much irony in loss. You only realize how deeply you loved someone until they aren't there anymore.
2. You'll still want to call them when something happens.
Sometimes when your phone rings you catch yourself thinking its them. Then your in tears because you realize that they aren't here anymore.
3. You'll learn parents secrets.
You'll uncover details about your parents' lives that make you uncomfortable. You'll realize that they were actually people, not just parents, and you get it now! You will understand who they are and what they did more than ever.
4. Holidays become lonely and sad
Even if you have your own family, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas and any other special day will never feel the same.
5. You will be jealous of anyone who has parents that are living.
You'll envy anyone who gets to spend time or holidays with their parents. You'll lecture anyone if they complain about their parents for any reason.
6. The emptiness & sadness never leaves your heart.
You feel like an orphan. At times you will cry just as much as you did the day they died. The pain changes & subsides with time, but it's never ever gone.
7. You'll wish you savored the moments and took more pictures.
You'd give anything to have just one more moment with your parents. You will wish you could take one last photo. See their smile hear their voice one more time. So take those photos like they are your last because it could actually could be!
8. You'll feel loss for the grandchildren they will never know and great-grandchildren they'll never meet.
The family photos you won't get to take, the holidays you'll never spend together. A lifetime of memories you have not been able to have will be forever missed. So if you are blessed with family get those family portraits they will last forever when you print them. They will be loved and cherished by you and your future family for many years to come.
9. You won't be able to function at times.
One minute your fine then suddenly your in tears when someone or something reminds you of your parents. You'll feel sick & beside yourself. You'll wish more than anything that your Mama was there to make you some soup and take care of you. At times you will want to go somewhere only you know.
10. You will understand the importance of family like never before.
No one else is ever going to love you unconditionally like your parents. We spend years wishing our parents would get off our backs only to realize they were the ones that really ever had our backs!
Those of us that have lost our parents, understand and we miss them everyday. They may no longer be here on earth, but their legacy will live on through us. As life passes by we lose our parents, some sooner than others it changes us. We learn to appreciate the little moments take more pictures savor time with our own kids. Hopefully the memories we make will comfort them when it’s our time to go to heaven. I do find peace in knowing my mother is in paradise and is no longer suffering here on earth. She is home with our heavenly father. We will be together again one day. What lessons did you learn after losing your parents? Let me know and make sure you share this blog with your family & friends. If you are blessed to still have time with your parents let this be a reminder to show them some love. “The greatest lovers are Mothers” ~Mary Rivers; Yup thats my beautiful great grandmother at 94 in the article below she was a gem!!
The transcript for article above.
ARGUS . Fremont- Newark. Sunday. May 11, 1975
"The world’s greatest lovers are mothers." The above message comes directly from, choose one (A) A bumper sticker distributed by a maternity wear manufacturer (B) A graffiti collection in a Berkeley restroom. (C) A Mother's Day card made by Mary Rivers, 94 a resident of Crestwood Convalescent Hospital Fremont. How did you guess? Mrs. Rivers is the author of that line. An avid card sender, she's been known to mail dozens of invitations for her own birthday party. One year the huge piles of valentines she received truly astonished one of her daughters, Sister Leonarda Rivers. When questioned about the onslaught of cards, Mrs. Rivers confessed, "I threw out the bait first." She'd prevailed upon several relatives to mail batches of her heart-shaped notes early in February. But Mrs. Rivers insists her Mother's Day card isn't bait. This time is different; this time it's because we have to take care of the children." she told her daughter. After establishing once and for all who the greatest lovers are, at least in her estimation, she goes on to plead. "So let us join together, m o t h e r s , grandmas, and great-grandmas (she is all of the above), and. with a mother's love in our hearts, help make this world a better home to live in." In her ninth decade, she finds much joy in being "young enough to care and make sacrifices for God's children." and appreciates the care she herself receives from visitors and hospital staff members. She pays them the highest compliment she can imagine: "They're very good; they have the mother's caring." As the mother of 9 children of her own and 16 foster children, the grandmother of 17. and the great-grandmother of 23, she still has a roll of caring for others. Now she tries to demonstrate that concern by giving her family a good example. How does she do that? "I listen and keep the mouth closed," Mrs. Rivers said laughing and making lip-zipping motions. She hesitated to comment on mothers today, at first dodging her daughter's questions and saying, "I feel love for the mother, because I was a mother; I know what it is." With repeated questioning. she eventually conceded, yes, mothers are different now. "How are they different?" They give more liberties to girls." "Too many?" Said with a smile:"Yes." After thinking a moment, she remembered meeting some women who weren't cut out to be mothers, and said she thought mothers should avoid working outside the home if possible. Does she think the job of motherhood is becoming more or less difficult now? That , too, took some thought. -It's easier in one way, because you have somebody to help educate the children, but it can be hard. Sometimes the fathers aren't good; they don't help them out." Good mothering doesn’t ensure good children, though, she indicated. It's not always the mother's fault if the children get into trouble. -Sometimes the children keep bad company." she said. Among her daughters and foster daughters are mothers who make her very proud. They told me they had a good lesson with me." Mrs. Rivers said. She was pleased to see some daughters become mothers while one became a nun. "That's good, if they're happy and you're happy." she told Sister Leonarda. "I like you to be what you want. You love and care like a mother, but you never can have that feeling, the mother's feeling." With that loving feeling may come sacrifice. She didn't deny that. After her husband died in a farming accident, she had to manage the ranch and her family with help from neighbors. But she said she wasn't sorry for what she suffered. Would you do it again?" Sister Leonarda inquired? Her mother laughed "That's very hard to answer." Finally, she said, that yes she'd have a big family and take care of the foster children again, if I were young again. "I don't refuse life."
Preserve the memories not the lines...
My last visit to my Grandma's house was 14 years ago. My 4 kids and I went to see my Grandma Olga. Niko was 12, Daniella was 9, Makenna was 3, and Jacinda was 10 months old. My grandma lived in a beautiful home she built in the hills of Lafayette, California. It was literally over the river, through the woods, to Grandma’s house we would go. When I pulled up to the front of her house, it looked like something straight out of a magazine. I loved her yard. The fruit trees, the gardens, the flowers, the pond, the pool and the gazebo. My Grandma's house was perfection, I always remember thinking how amazing it would be to have such a beautiful home, full of rooms and bathrooms and a huge kitchen that yearned to be full of family and fun. I can't remember a time that my Grandmother's home was not spotless. However, what stuck out the most in my mind and sparked a completely different envy than just the size of her house, was the vacuum lines that remained in the carpet in the formal dining room. I was in awe as I noticed her vacuum lines were still in her carpet probably a week or more after she had vacuumed! I thought to myself “ I wish I could keep my house this clean and have it stay picture perfect for more than 5 minutes!” I couldn't wait for the day that I would be able to do that and not have it messed up by sticky little fingerprints or find Legos hiding all over, or walking in to discover the girl's latest art creation they had so carefully designed on the wall with crayons.
What I didn't know at that time, that to have all of this perfection and cleanliness, the kids would have to be gone. You see, I wanted those things because the everyday struggles of 4 loads of laundry, toys everywhere, meals to prepare, beds to make, were overwhelming to me, and the beauty of a pristine home was something only dreams were made of. It took me forever sometimes just to find their bedroom floor before I could even think of vacuuming it. I never grasped that no vacuum lines represented my kids would one day grow up and leave. Those thoughts don't exist in a young mother's mind. "Watch out your kids will grow up in no time" was just something that older ladies say. I never realized the hardest part about parenting would be my kids growing up. I never really listened or understood the reminders... "it all goes by so fast". I tried not to blink.
Then one day I woke up, went to clean my house, and I noticed carefully placed vacuum lines in my carpet, I looked at my beautiful dining table with no fingerprints knowing it would stay that way for days...that's when I realized that vacuum lines are lonely. That Legos, and dirty clothes, and mouths to feed, hair to brush & style, and backpacks to get ready are sometimes very overwhelming, but they're never, ever lonely. What the older ladies had been telling me was true! When did I blink? The Legos & dolls slowly disappeared without me ever noticing. They were replaced by video games, and movies, books, makeup and clothes... then by empty bedrooms waiting for a visit home. Loads of laundry gradually got smaller, the dirty dishes were less and the endless treasures of Pokemon cards, stuffed animals, refrigerator art, Polly Pockets, rock collections and everything that resembled the happiness of childhood that had always been so present, all disappeared. Everything is almost picture perfect now and I appreciate and love this time of my life. I only wish I had known the cost of vacuum lines, because then I surely wouldn't have wanted this day to come as fast as it did. Always take pictures hang them on your walls, display them in alums, preserve the memories you will cherish them more far more than the vacuum lines.
Happy Mother's Day to all mothers everywhere. Trust me don't blink, the vacuum lines are overrated. To the new “moms to be” don't rush things because it will go too fast, and it's not just something that older ladies say. To the young mothers who struggle through the mountains of laundry and responsibility cherish your children, their messes and stresses and the moments pass much quicker than you’d imagine. To the moms with the vacuum lines because their teens have 1 foot out the door you're gonna miss this, even with all the attitude. To the mothers with vacuum lines who miss their children dearly cherish the memories. To my own mother Elizabeth & grandma Olga in heaven, who I lost just 1 week apart, I miss you everyday. I cant believe this will 13 Mothers days without you. Vacuum lines aren't permanent and neither are mothers. To all the children that are blessed enough to still a have your Mother in your life take some time recognize her because tomorrow isn't promised Your Mom wont always be here and that too is not just something older ladies say.
