My First Born son I celebrate you and 28 years of blessings today.
Oh, my dear sweet child. If only I knew the things that I know now. You were my first child, and to be perfectly honest, I had no idea what I was doing. I had to learn it all with you, because of you I became a mother. And for that I am so grateful.
Oh, my dear sweet child. If only I knew the things that I know now. You were my first child, and to be perfectly honest, I had no idea what I was doing. I had to learn it all with you, because of you I became a Mother. And for that I am so grateful.
Nikolas
I fell in love as soon as
I heard your heartbeat!
God knew I needed you first to help mold me into the Mom I needed to be. You did that. From the sleepless nights you gave me when you were just an infant… to the times I couldn’t take my eyes off of you when you finally closed your eyes. From the time when I first heard your little laugh… to the time when we were both rolling on the floor in fits of laughter. From the time when you were inconsolable and I had no idea what to do… to the time when only Mama could make it all better. I have loved you more than I ever loved another human. I have prayed more than I ever even knew how to pray. You did that to me. I loved you from the moment your I saw your little heart beat. At that very moment when I met youI knew you were a boy. I knew I would name you Nikolas and call you Niko. I drove home from the doctor after seeing your heart beat grinning ear to ear. That truly was the happiest day of my life. Many happy days followed after that and you continue to make me smile. If the phone rings or even just a text my heart races and beats as strong as yours did the first day I met you on that ultra sound. Your first picture was taken that day. This was your first of a life time of pictures. From your first heart beat until my last heart beat I will pray for you!
You were so little yet you taught me so much about being a mom. I’m sorry that you were at the center of all of my trials and errors. I wanted so much to get it right. I think my expectations of you when you were that small were unrealistic. I spent so much time worrying and stressing that I didn’t allow myself to just enjoy the the simplicity of your childhood. You were my first. Never again will I get the chance to do it over. You grew so fast. One minute I was rocking you to sleep in my arms, and then I blinked and you were graduating college. Where did the time go? I am so thankful I captured these moments on camera and preserved or memories.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back and do it all again. I want to go back and cherish those moments. The moments I lost, stressing and worrying. The moments I savored playing, dancing, singing, riding bikes. We spent time together alone, just you and me until your sisters came along. I spent time just holding you.
I spent time reading with you, the naps we shared, the classes we took, the teams you played on and I coached. You were my entire world, you changed my entire world. You were my game boy, the man of my house and my heart. You turned out to be an amazing person, more than I could have ever imagined. Just know that I love you so, so much. That will never change. You will always be my first little love, nothing will take that away. I am so proud of the man you are. You are great example for your sisters and I couldn’t be more proud.
The truth is, my amazing son, you will always be my first child. You will always be the one who taught me how to be the best mom that I can be. You will always be my first baby…always. That will never change. You paved the road for your younger siblings. That was a big job, I know.
I've always loved you because you were my first miracle.You were new, you had an unused Nana, you had so many clothes your closet looked like Mama was having triplets. You were the original model for a mom who was just trying to figure out life for herself. You helped me figure it out life. I thought it was I that would teach you but know you have always taught me everything I know. Your sisters came along and things got crazy beautiful and you all shaped me into the Mom and person I am today. But my son you were the beginning!
Being a mom to you has been the greatest joy of my life. Know that I will love you forever. You grew up, I had to let you go spread your wings and become the person God intended you to be. I’ll never forget that you were the one who made me a mom.
Happy 28th Birthday Niko-Man. I love you with all my heart & soul.
Mama
“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” (Robert Munsch)
Preserve the memories not the lines...
My last visit to my Grandma's house was 14 years ago. My 4 kids and I went to see my Grandma Olga. Niko was 12, Daniella was 9, Makenna was 3, and Jacinda was 10 months old. My grandma lived in a beautiful home she built in the hills of Lafayette, California. It was literally over the river, through the woods, to Grandma’s house we would go. When I pulled up to the front of her house, it looked like something straight out of a magazine. I loved her yard. The fruit trees, the gardens, the flowers, the pond, the pool and the gazebo. My Grandma's house was perfection, I always remember thinking how amazing it would be to have such a beautiful home, full of rooms and bathrooms and a huge kitchen that yearned to be full of family and fun. I can't remember a time that my Grandmother's home was not spotless. However, what stuck out the most in my mind and sparked a completely different envy than just the size of her house, was the vacuum lines that remained in the carpet in the formal dining room. I was in awe as I noticed her vacuum lines were still in her carpet probably a week or more after she had vacuumed! I thought to myself “ I wish I could keep my house this clean and have it stay picture perfect for more than 5 minutes!” I couldn't wait for the day that I would be able to do that and not have it messed up by sticky little fingerprints or find Legos hiding all over, or walking in to discover the girl's latest art creation they had so carefully designed on the wall with crayons.
What I didn't know at that time, that to have all of this perfection and cleanliness, the kids would have to be gone. You see, I wanted those things because the everyday struggles of 4 loads of laundry, toys everywhere, meals to prepare, beds to make, were overwhelming to me, and the beauty of a pristine home was something only dreams were made of. It took me forever sometimes just to find their bedroom floor before I could even think of vacuuming it. I never grasped that no vacuum lines represented my kids would one day grow up and leave. Those thoughts don't exist in a young mother's mind. "Watch out your kids will grow up in no time" was just something that older ladies say. I never realized the hardest part about parenting would be my kids growing up. I never really listened or understood the reminders... "it all goes by so fast". I tried not to blink.
Then one day I woke up, went to clean my house, and I noticed carefully placed vacuum lines in my carpet, I looked at my beautiful dining table with no fingerprints knowing it would stay that way for days...that's when I realized that vacuum lines are lonely. That Legos, and dirty clothes, and mouths to feed, hair to brush & style, and backpacks to get ready are sometimes very overwhelming, but they're never, ever lonely. What the older ladies had been telling me was true! When did I blink? The Legos & dolls slowly disappeared without me ever noticing. They were replaced by video games, and movies, books, makeup and clothes... then by empty bedrooms waiting for a visit home. Loads of laundry gradually got smaller, the dirty dishes were less and the endless treasures of Pokemon cards, stuffed animals, refrigerator art, Polly Pockets, rock collections and everything that resembled the happiness of childhood that had always been so present, all disappeared. Everything is almost picture perfect now and I appreciate and love this time of my life. I only wish I had known the cost of vacuum lines, because then I surely wouldn't have wanted this day to come as fast as it did. Always take pictures hang them on your walls, display them in alums, preserve the memories you will cherish them more far more than the vacuum lines.
Happy Mother's Day to all mothers everywhere. Trust me don't blink, the vacuum lines are overrated. To the new “moms to be” don't rush things because it will go too fast, and it's not just something that older ladies say. To the young mothers who struggle through the mountains of laundry and responsibility cherish your children, their messes and stresses and the moments pass much quicker than you’d imagine. To the moms with the vacuum lines because their teens have 1 foot out the door you're gonna miss this, even with all the attitude. To the mothers with vacuum lines who miss their children dearly cherish the memories. To my own mother Elizabeth & grandma Olga in heaven, who I lost just 1 week apart, I miss you everyday. I cant believe this will 13 Mothers days without you. Vacuum lines aren't permanent and neither are mothers. To all the children that are blessed enough to still a have your Mother in your life take some time recognize her because tomorrow isn't promised Your Mom wont always be here and that too is not just something older ladies say.
